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By K Futur MUSICDerby locals were left scratching their heads this week after a strange and sombre figure was seen scampering around the historic Derby Market Hall. Witnesses described the man — dubbed variously as “Hyper C,” “Squarehead,” and even “Jane” — as having an unusually squared cranium and a downcast expression eerily reminiscent of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.
According to long-standing urban legend, the man’s square head is the result of a bizarre childhood mishap. As the tale goes, when he was just a toddler, his mother accidentally closed his head inside a heavy, 1950s-style refrigerator. Due to a mechanical fault, the door remained jammed shut for over 12 hours. Miraculously, the boy survived the ordeal — but his head allegedly retained the refrigerator’s boxy shape ever since.
Despite the sad tale, locals say the man poses no threat. “He just wandered around, kind of lost, with this gloomy face,” said one market vendor. “He looked like he needed a hug more than anything.”
Sightings of Squarehead have been sporadic over the years, often dismissed as myth or exaggeration. However, the Market Hall incident marks one of the clearest and most public encounters to date, prompting a flurry of social media speculation and memes.
Whether man or myth, Hyper C continues to capture the curiosity of Derby residents. Some even believe he appears only when Derby faces particularly low atmospheric pressure — another mysterious twist to an already strange story.
For now, Squarehead remains an enigma. But if you’re passing through Derby Market Hall anytime soon, keep an eye out — and maybe leave your fridge door open, just in case.
